Five months ago I pulled into the parking lot on the corner of Soledad and Valley Center Drive for the first time. I was a good 15 minutes early for my job interview, so I parked in front of the door with the sign on top that read “Fun and Fit Gymnastics Center” and turned on KHAY Country. It was a sappy love song playing so I shoved in a Chris Thile CD. No words to remind me of anything, just noise to keep me from thinking.
A tear unexpectedly trickled out of my eye and dripped down my cheek into my mouth. Oh great, I’m crying. Just what I need right before an interview. I squeezed both lids tightly shut against the rainstorm gathering behind them and rued the fact that my nose turns red the instant I start fighting tears.
I took one deep, shaky breath in and out and the ache gripping my throat loosened its hold. Another breath, steadier this time, and I cautiously opened one eye, then the other. I peeked in the rear view mirror. Nothing betrayed me but a dampness at each corner of my eyes, and that I whisked away with the back of my hand. I turned up the music and leaned my head back against the seat.
There I sat, neck deep in my own worries and sorrows. Hardly thinking about what lay ahead, just going through the motions. Existing but not living. Surviving one moment at a time.
Inside the building in front of me bustled a little world of its own. A handful of people who made it run, and a few hundred kids who kept it alive by coming in each week and spending an hour stretching, jumping, swinging, flipping, tumbling through the gym.
When I walked in that day it was empty inside except for a girl in the front office. I would come to learn that afternoons are the slowest time at the gym, and in an hour or two the place would be bursting at the seams.
“I’m here to see Christine,” I said.
“Okay… what’s your name?” the girl looked 20 or so and seemed slightly irritated about something.
“Shawni.”
“Shawni?”
“I’m here for an interview.”
The girl disappeared into the back office. A tall, middle aged woman with glasses reappeared in her place.
“Hi Shawni, I’m Christine.”
“Nice to meet you.”
“Come on back and we’ll have a chat.”
On my way into her office she introduced me to the girl behind the counter.
“This is Amanda.”
Amanda smiled and I decided she wasn’t irritated, just shy.
The interview went fine. Christine liked me and didn’t seem to notice that anything was wrong. As I walked out I realized that for the first time in a long time I was in a place where no one knew me at all. No one knew anything about me, my background, my beliefs, my personality. I felt a strange relief. They didn’t know that I used to smile all the time, so they wouldn’t think something was the matter when I didn’t smile. They didn’t know that a week ago I had thought I would be getting married next summer, so they wouldn’t wonder when I didn’t mention his name in conversation. I could pretend none of that ever happened while I was within the four walls of the gym.
And the people there… just faces for now, but I knew that behind those faces lay stories. I drove home hoping to hear back from Christine soon so I could find them out.
