Thoughts of a Tired Brain

It's almost the end of a long, long week and I'm sitting here relishing the thought that I don't have to set my alarm tonight. I never really sleep in much... not past 7:30 anyway... but if I wake up to an alarm I always feel like I want another half hour of sleep, no matter what time it is. Since I'm not setting my alarm clock tonight and have the luxury of sleeping till 10:00 if I so desire, I'll probably wake up at 6:00 wide awake and ready to conquer the world.

Life recently has been full of ups and downs, extremes of sadness and happiness, new physical and mental challenges, and emotional confusion. Yet I'm more peaceful now than I've ever been in the past year and a half. Through the turmoil I find, at the end of the day, that it is well with my soul. I thank God for this, because circumstances have certainly not created it... He has.

As many of you know, I quit my job at the gym and now nanny full time for a family in great need. Their situation could not be more heartbreaking. They mention often how much they appreciate me being there and the sacrifices I made, but I have to say that I think I am the one who is privileged by being able to be part of their family for a little while. I am the one indebted to them for showing me in action a faith and trust and patient hope that I've rarely had the opportunity to observe in the past.

It seems strange to me sometimes how the mundane, routine, day to day bits of life continue on no matter what catastrophic, life changing, or extraordinary events happened in between. I remember noticing this after I won the national championship for hammered dulcimer 2 years ago. I got home and I think I was less excited than anyone else in my family. It was almost depressing, in a way. I recognized that while I had a trophy sitting in my closet, nothing in life really changed. I still had to sleep at night, I still had to brush my teeth in the morning and eat meals and laugh at myself when I tripped on the stairs and talk to people using the language I've always used. I suppose in some irrational way I expected my world to stop or something... that it would all suddenly be DIFFERENT somehow. But no... "Life keeps movin' on, through the sunshine and the storm" and not a whole lot changes, even when seemingly "dramatic" events take place.

I see this now with the family I'm nannying for. The mother has such an amazing attitude through it all. No matter what terrible (or wonderful ) news has arrived, she still functions each day as if everything were normal, to the extent that she can. Though she can hardly walk around the parameter of their yard or put on her own shoes, she doesn't expect the world to stop for her. She dives into each day, each moment, seeking strength for that moment only. Yes, she is looking for a cure and hoping for complete healing and fighting hard to get well... but life goes on while those things are still uncertain. Her hope and strength come from confidence that the God she trusts in is good, that He has the power to heal her, and therefore, if he chooses not to, He will make all things good regardless. She faces each day not with the overarching thought that "I have cancer" but rather "The Lord gives and the Lord takes away; blessed be the name of the Lord."

May I learn to love Him that completely... so that He may be most glorified.